


From my heart to yours

by angelcakkes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Letters, M/M, Secret Admirer, cheesy poems, cringey over the top confessions, jaemin tries to be romantic, rated t for mild cursing, renjun panics a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcakkes/pseuds/angelcakkes
Summary: Huang Renjun has never been a romantic. Sure, he enjoys a nice, romantic drama every now and then, and Love Actually is one of his most favourite films of all time, but realistically, Huang Renjun is a pragmatist. Through and through.Which is why he has no idea what the fuck a single rose and small pink envelope is doing in his locker.(Alternatively: Roses are red, violets are blue, Renjun has a secret admirer, and he's utterly, screwed.)
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 309





	From my heart to yours

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my first ever (proper) RenMin/NaJun/JaemRen fic!! Hurrah hurrah!! I was very excited writing this because I love this pair's dynamic a lot but was always too loyal to noren to write for them, but I'm glad I finally did!  
> If you're a new reader because this showed up in the renmin tag, welcome! And if you're someone who is familiar with my stories then welcome back! I've been in a bit of a writer's rut these days so this fic helped me a lot in getting out of it. I hope to write more renmin in the future, but for now, please enjoy this!  
> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfxZRBm3EY) is the song that's played at the disco and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3AjGdO9amk) is the song at the end, for reference. Please listen if you can :)
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes in editing lol I might miss something but I'll come back to check again later hh.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: All characters portrayed in this work are fictional and should therefore be treated as such. Any and all mistakes are mine.

Huang Renjun has never been a romantic. Sure, he enjoys a nice, romantic drama every now and then, and _Love Actually_ is one of his most favourite films of all time, but realistically, Huang Renjun is a pragmatist. Through and through.

It’s not to say that he’s, therefore, a pessimist in any way. He’s just well aware that romance does not work out the same way in reality as it does in fiction, and that cheesy meet-cutes, office romances, and high school first loves are simply not practical nor realistic.

Which is why he has no idea _what the fuck_ a single rose and small pink envelope is doing in his locker.

He’s been staring at it for a couple minutes now, unsure of what he’s meant to do and how he’s meant to react. He’s seen enough romance movies to know _what_ this is, or what it might be, but is sceptical enough to question – _why?_

He looks around the hallway, eyes darting around to find out if anyone was watching him. Could it be a prank? A secret camera??

When he’s sure no one is staring, he takes the envelope out and hastens to open it. The note inside is a softer pink, smelling nauseatingly pungent of artificial rose. Doodles of hearts and flowers decorate the space, and he can make out the faint smudges of fingerprints at the edges, most likely from the anonymous sender getting ink on his fingers.

Renjun scrunches his nose, and unfolds the note.

_~_

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_But neither can compare,_

_To the beauty that is you._

_Starting from today,_

_I yearn to convey,_

_That what I feel for you is true,_

_Won’t you feel the same, too?_

_\- Your Secret Admirer_

_~_

Renjun stares. And stares, and stares. Then he closes his eyes and counts to three before reading the note again to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. A split-second thought crosses his mind – maybe, by some weird chance, is someone trying to confess?

The thought gets turned away pretty quickly. He balls his fist around the flower, insides brewing with heat, he shoves both items into the inside pocket of his jacket, fixes his bag over his shoulder, and thunders towards the cafeteria.

“Alright, which one of you ingrates did this?!” He yanks the offending note and rose out from his pocket and throws it down on the cafeteria table, crossing his arms, glaring accusingly at his friends.

A few students from the tables around them stop mid-chatter to stare curiously, but Renjun could care less. His friends gawk at the rose, then at the note, then at him.

“Well?!”

“Why are you only looking this way?!” Yangyang exclaims defensively, while Donghyuck picks up the note and gives it a quick scan.

“I don’t even know what this is! Poetry?!”

“Very fucking funny.” Renjun glowers at Donghyuck and Yangyang, folding his arms tighter around himself, “only you two would be so… so – so – “

Donghyuck ignores him in favour of reading the poem, his eyes doubling in size, laughter bubbling up his throat. He catches Renjun glaring and stops himself.

“First of all, I’m offended you think I could write something as terrible as that.” He takes a moment to swallow his laughter, threatening its way out again. “Secondly, I wouldn’t do that to you, Ren.”

Yangyang nods in agreement as he passes the paper over to Jeno and Jaemin across the table. “Right, right. Love note pranks are boring –“ Donghyuck elbows him in the ribs. He winces. “ – A-and… of low calibre. Very low.”

Renjun squints at them harder for a few more seconds before finally conceding with a sigh. He flops down onto the seat beside Donghyuck, groaning miserably.

“Why are we dismissing it as a prank?” Jeno voices softly, eyes wide and innocent as he slides back into his seat after peeking at the letter. “I mean, it could totally be real?”

Donghyuck and Yangyang stare at Jeno like he’s grown a second-head.

“Are you kidding?!” Donghyuck No one sends anonymous love notes! That’s like the cheesiest shit ever!”

At that Jaemin breaks his silence, tutting loudly in annoyance. “ _What?!_ No! Love notes are a lost romantic art!” He neatly folds the note back up and waves it at Renjun. “This is very exciting for you, Injun-ah. You could have a real secret admirer out there, and this is your chance to get to know them.”

Before Renjun can speak, Donghyuck rolls his eyes and cuts in. “Of course _you’d_ say that.”

“I agree with Hyuck. Love letter’s are dumb.” Yangyang says, tone awfully nonchalant for his next words, “you just tell ‘em you like ‘em, and then smash.”

Renjun scrunches his nose. “Ew.”

Donghyuck dramatically gasps and covers Renjun’s ears. “How dare you imply our Renjun would be that easy?!”

“I’m just _saying_ a love note is silly and cowardly and _boring_ –“

Now it’s Jaemin’s turn to gasp. “How _dare_ you say that?!”

Renjun pulls away from Donghyuck’s grasp as the trio diverge into an argument about the appropriateness of modern-day romance. He shares a look with Jeno, who scoots away from an increasingly excited Jaemin, and leans over the table.

“You know, despite it being completely tacky, I think you should just wait and see. Don’t headache yourself too much with the note, or who it’s from and why just yet.”

Renjun pouts, fingering the slightly-crushed rose petals. They’re soft and silky, and despite himself, it makes him feel all sorts of warm on the inside.

His eyes flit up to meet Jeno’s, curved into a smile. The rest of his friends might all be idiots, but at least he has Jeno – always level headed and reassuring in spite of all the excruciating external forces testing him.

Renjun smiles back. “You’re right. And besides,” he plucks the note out of from Donghyuck’s unsuspecting fingers and folds it neatly back into the envelope, “it might be a mistake. This could be for someone else and ended up in my locker accidentally so,” he sighs, carefully tucking it into his bag, “I shouldn’t headache myself with any conclusions.”

Jeno falls silent, lips drawn into a thin line. Renjun doesn’t blame him. It’s his own fault for dampening the mood with his self-pity. He probably shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

Jaemin has removed himself from the discourse and is looking their way now. He slides closer to Jeno and places a hand over Renjun’s.

“Ayee, don’t think too hard, Renjun,” He says easily, poking Renjun on the forehead, “you’ll get premature wrinkles. A little excitement like this is good, yeah?”

Renjun stares at the envelope in his hand, unable to find an answer. There are far too many ways this could go, far too many cons than he can handle.

He sighs. “I guess I’ll see.”

But despite Renjun’s speculations, the school week ends with no one coming forth to retrieve the gifts and claim it was a mistake. Still not wanting to get too in over his head, that weekend, he files the letter away into a decorative tin box (an impulsive buy at a flea market) and stores it in his bedside drawer, just in case anyone does own up later on. (They’re probably embarrassed, or shy, or just don’t care that they made the mistake – he assumes.)

As for the rose, in fear of it wilting, he presses it into a vintage scrapbook (same flea market) he’d been meaning to fill anyways, and puts it away with the tin box.

By the time Monday rolls around, the love letter and the rose are far past him. Renjun decides that worrying over what could be an innocent misunderstanding or in the worst case, some cruel prank, really isn’t worth his time and energy.

-

On Wednesdays, Renjun has early band practice.

It’s a new routine for the winter months; with shorter days, after school practice bleeds into sunset or even later, so their supervisor decided to have morning practice instead. That way everyone can get home safely before dark and in time for dinner.

Unfortunately, Renjun is not a morning person. It takes him eight different alarms, each set five minutes apart, to wake up, and then another half an hour after that to actually _get out_ of bed. Everything is just so cold and rigid and gloomy at 6am that Renjun thinks he’s quite valid in not wanting to get up early just to go practice the keyboard. It’s a shame not many others in the band agreed with him.

The only saving grace is that on Wednesdays, Jaemin has early track practice. For more or less the same reason why the band practices early.

Jaemin announces his arrival via text at 6:35am sharp. Renjun, rushing to pack his bag while brushing his teeth _as usual_ , lets him in before hurriedly rushing into the bathroom to finish washing up.

It’s a wonder how Jaemin is always on time to pick him up, seeing as he’s less of a morning person than Renjun. But Renjun guesses they can’t both be terribly late, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

Jaemin rummages around the kitchen as he waits. Having known each other since the very first time Renjun moved into the neighbourhood, the Huang home is practically Jaemin’s too, and vice-versa. Jaemin’s mother even went as far as to say that Renjun was her son too, which made Renjun feel very shy, yet proud.

He would say that in their odd group of five, his _best_ best-friend would be Jaemin. There’s just something about their relationship that’s easy. Jaemin, when not around the others, is calmer, quieter; his presence warm and comforting. They don’t exactly click in terms of wit the way Renjun does with Donghyuck or Yangyang, or in terms of interests the way he does with Jeno, but Jaemin is always waiting and willing.

At the end of the day when they all split up to go home, it’s the quiet walks with Jaemin that Renjun looks forward to the most.

And now – _Wednesdays._

“Have you heard from your secret admirer yet?”

The sun is barely up, and the world is covered with an icy-grey mist. All the trees have been stripped bare, and the streets are still sound asleep. Jaemin’s voice is muffled by the lining of his down-jacket, and he’s carrying Renjun’s electric bass for him despite the latter’s protests. Renjun tells him his chivalry needs standards.

“No. If anything, that kind of confirms my suspicions.”

“That?”

“It was a prank, or a mistake.” Renjun says with a casual shrug.

Jaemin scoffs airily. “You’re not disappointed?”

“No, I don’t have the energy for games like this. If someone likes me, they should just come tell me!”

Jaemin goes weirdly silent, pensively staring ahead for the longest time, before letting out a deep breath. “You’re right,” he says, and turns to him with a shitty grin that only means trouble, “I’m all the romance you need anyway.”

And with that Jaemin pulls Renjun into his side, wrapping his arm around him to keep Renjun from squirming away.

“Jaemin! It’s hard to walk like this!” Renjun whines, trying to push away only for Jaemin to hug him closer. “Jaemin!”

“I don’t caaare! I’m cold. Let me hold you so I can warm up!”

Knowing better than to struggle against Jaemin, Renjun eventually relents with an exasperated sigh. Jaemin grins with all his teeth, victoriously, as Renjun relaxes against his side.

It appears Renjun spoke too soon, because the next note arrives that very morning. Before first period at that.

 _“_ What the hell?” Renjun whispers under his breath, once again checking his surroundings as if his secret admirer would be stupid enough to lurk around so obviously. It’s strange, because he checked his locker this morning with Jaemin and found nothing. But what makes it stranger, is that band practice ends at the same time school officially starts, meaning his secret admirer must know his schedule well enough to come in early and drop the note off without getting caught.

Even the first note was left at a time when Renjun was in class, but just who could it be?

He files his speculations away momentarily to focus on what was in front of him.

The note still came in a bright pink envelope, but in place of a rose this time was a pack of chocolate kisses. It was the Hershey’s knock-off kind from the convenience store at the end of the school street that Renjun swears is better than the original. No one outside of his friends know about how much he loves them, and yet…

He stops the thought in its tracks before he can get too carried away. First, the note.

_~_

_This love is like a chance,_

_Could be a hit or miss,_

_But for you I’d take the gamble,_

_Hope to seal it with a kiss._

_\- Your Secret Admirer_

_~_

Renjun blinks dumbly at the paper, then looks at the chocolate sitting on top of his textbooks, then back at the poem. Heat rushes to his cheeks and the sea of thoughts flooding his mind stills completely, a single thought floating to clarity.

_It’s for him. Without mistake, prank or otherwise, it’s for him._

He looks at the chocolate kisses again; a warm, fuzzy feeling stirs in his chest. It lingers for the rest of the morning, through calculus and chemistry. Renjun’s mind is clouded by the mystery of his secret admirer, and he has no idea how to feel about it.

He finally lays his observations out on the table during morning break.

“Well, would you look at that?” Jaemin says, curiously smug, when Renjun shows them the second note and the chocolates. He leaves inspecting the note to the others and goes straight for the unopened chocolates, tearing it open after Renjun gives him the go-ahead.

“No way!” Donghyuck tips his head back and hollers. “No way is this person being serious right now!”

Yangyang follows suit in laughing his head off, while Jeno, after scanning the note, mock-gags into his fist.

Renjun swipes the note back, grumbling as he clutches it close to his chest. “It’s not that bad. It’s kind of cute.”

“Weren’t you just saying how this is probably a joke?” Donghyuck reminds him.

“I’m not dismissing the possibility, but I don’t wanna dismiss this person’s efforts either!”

“I thought you didn’t want to be romanced?” Jeno muses aloud, his attention focused on the chocolates Jaemin is refusing to share.

“I’m just taking _your_ advice and seeing where it goes.” Renjun reaches over the table and snatches the packet away from both of them, drops two into the hands of each of his friends, then twists the bag close. “And no more. These are my kisses.”

Jeno snorts as he unwraps the chocolate gleefully. Jaemin smirks, looking visibly pleased with God knows what. Probably because he predicted right.

Donghyuck and Yangyang exchange a look, rolling their eyes.

“I’ll give credit where it’s due though,” Yangyang says as he unwraps the chocolate and pops it into his mouth. “The chocolate is good.”

Renjun has to agree, licking melted chocolate off his fingers. Then he gets to order of business.

“What I wanted to talk about is how this person happens to know my schedule well enough to drop notes off without me seeing them, and know the combination to my locker, _and_ that I like this brand of chocolate the most.”

“Maybe you have a stalker.” Donghyuck deduces with a casual shrug.

“Or maybe,” Jeno stroke his chin thoughtfully, “they’re someone you know, who _you_ might not notice that well, but they definitely notice you.”

That’s a little too on the nose for Renjun, and he can’t help but visibly blanch at the idea that someone he knows might like him in that way.

Beside Jeno, Jaemin’s got his face buried in his arms folded over the table. He observes Renjun indiscernibly, but when Renjun meets his eyes, he looks away.

If Renjun thinks that’s odd of him, he doesn’t get the time to voice it.

“I got it!” Yangyang snaps his fingers. “That kid you tutor for bio! The tall one with the freakishly big hands.”

Renjun tears his eyes away from Jaemin to look at Yangyang, face twisted. “Jisung? No way. I’m pretty sure he likes Chenle, from the band.”

“Then it’s Chenle!” Donghyuck offers unhelpfully.

Renjun scowls. “ _No._ Chenle doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body. That’s kind of Jisung’s whole struggle.” He turns back to Jaemin who’s quietly smoothing out the creases of the silver wrapper now. “What do you think, Jaemin?”

Jaemin, caught off-guard, looks at him blankly. He holds his gaze for a while before slipping into his usual sappy grin. “I don’t know. Since it’s you, Injunie, anyone is possible.”

Renjun raises his brows, blinking. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jaemin shrugs. “I’m just saying, you’re a very likeable person.”

“Thanks?”

The conversation is interrupted by the bell, and the group are forced to disperse. Renjun groans, grabbing his things and a handful more chocolates that’ll hopefully help in tough through the rest of his classes. For good measure, he pops on into his mouth, smiling as the chocolate melts on his tongue.

He doesn’t notice Jaemin slide up to him, brushing against his side and dropping down to his ear to say, “You look happy.”

“I got free chocolate.” Renjun deflects, trying not to look embarrassed.

Jaemin shrugs. “You’re still happy.” He touches Renjun’s arm, making him look up to see Jaemin smile. “I’m glad.”

And with that, Jaemin walks off in the opposite direction, leaving Renjun dumbfounded in the middle of the hallway, heart fluttering.

-

The third note, by far, is the strangest.

Firstly, it arrives on Tuesday, just before lunch, completely dashing Renjun’s expectations that they’d be following some sort of schedule. And secondly, to Renjun’s equal surprise and disappointment, there is no poem (or chocolates). Instead, there is a camelia, a movie ticket, and a small note that simply reads:

_~_

_This might be a little direct, but I hope you can join me at the movies this Friday night. Can’t wait to see you there at, say, 9pm sharp? I’ll come find you. :)_

_\- You Secret Admirer_

_~_

Renjun is busy gawking at the note when Jaemin saunters up to his side and taps him on the shoulder.

“Hey.” His eyes drop to the note. “You got another one?”

Renjun simply hands it to him to read, then proceeds to repeatedly hit his head against his locker door.

“Woah. This is quite a leap already, huh.”

Renjun sighs and closes his locker after taking out the flower and envelope. “I don’t know how to feel… I’m kind of scared, to be honest. I mean, what if this _is_ some prank, and then I just get stood up. Or worse – they do show up only to laugh at my face and call me a loser for believing in this stupid game and then they dump pigs’ blood on me and then –“

“Woah, woah!” Jaemin grabs Renjun by the shoulders, forcing him to look up. “You’re spiralling there, Ren. I don’t think any kid here has the time or enough of an agenda to pull something like that, let alone against you.”

That’s true. “But, I could get stood up.”

“After all the cheesy poems and gifts? I doubt it.” Jaemin flicks his hand dismissively. “You could totally air out their terrible poetry and embarrass them back.”

Renjun smiles and leers at Jaemin. “I thought you said the poems were romantic.”

Jaemin draws back, slipping his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. He shrugs. “I do think the notes are cute, but if this guy’s only playing with you and is gonna stand you up, then they suck. And their poems suck. And everything they stand for sucks. My allegiance is to you first.”

Renjun giggles, the sudden urge to pat Jaemin on the cheek has him reaching out to do just that. Jaemin smiles softly and keens into the touch.

“Alright, alright. But that still doesn’t help answer whether I should actually go or not.” Renjun leans against the lockers and looks at Jaemin intently. “Should I take the risk? What if Donghyuck’s right and they’re actually a stalker trying to kill me, or worse?!”

Jaemin seems to seriously consider Renjun’s worries, growing quiet as he gazes at his feet. Then hiking up his shoulders, he asks, “How about I go with you?”

Renjun snaps to attention. “Really?! You’d come with me?!”

“I don’t see why not?” Jaemin says coolly, “I could come make sure this guy’s safe, or if he doesn’t show, we can always hang together.”

Renjun considers the offer with budding enthusiasm. “Yeah… yeah, okay. Thanks! I owe you one.”

Jaemin smiles softly and steps to Renjun’s side, looping an arm over his shoulder. “It’s my pleasure.”

-

Friday somehow arrives all too soon and yet not soon enough. Renjun’s week passes by excruciatingly, with him become more panicked each day. He has no clue who this secret admirer might be, no idea what they look like, nor what they see in him. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if it turns out to be some complete stranger he has no interest in getting to know, but it’s equally bad if it turns out to be someone he is familiar with but doesn’t want to _be with_. Sure, he could give them a chance, but it’s hard to consider someone romantically if he’s never envisioned them in such a way whatsoever.

And judging by the poems and the gifts, this person seems to be in it for the long haul. Renjun doesn’t know if he’s ready for something so serious.

Jaemin shows up at 8:30pm on Friday evening, just as Renjun told him to. The movies are only a ten-minute drive away, but Renjun wanted to go early and prepare for whatever he was about to face.

“Ready?” Jaemin smirks at him from the doorway, amusedly watching Renjun fuss over his hair in the hallway mirror.

Renjun gives him an unimpressed look. “Shut up.”

He turns back to the living room and bids goodbye to his mother, who turns back to tell Jaemin not to keep her son out too late. Then, they finally leave, heading down the driveway to where Jaemin’s car (technically his mum’s) is parked along the street.

The drive is quiet, but not stiffening. Mainly because Renjun’s just too nervous to talk and Jaemin, when in private, prefers silence anyway.

They hit a bump along the way that Jaemin completely forgets to slow down for, and Renjun, dazed, nearly jumps out of his skin.

He puts a hand over his thundering chest. “Please don’t kill me before I’ve met my potential boyfriend.”

“Oh?” Jaemin quirks a brow, eyes trained on the road ahead but with an evil grin clearly directed towards Renjun. “So, you think he might be your boyfriend.”

“No.” Renjun says, clipped. “I’m just saying.”

Jaemin chuckles, endeared, but thankfully doesn’t tease Renjun any further.

Unsurprisingly, the theatre is packed on a Friday night. It makes Renjun feel a thousand times worse, regret weighing heavy in his stomach. Anxiety wraps around his ribs, squeezing his chest and suffocating him from the inside. And to put the icing on the cake, there’s an audience to his mental breakdown or utter humiliation – whichever comes first.

Renjun starts to heave really loudly.

“Hey,” Jaemin drops his head down to meet Renjun’s eyes, and he steadies him by wrapping a strong arm around his waist, “do you wanna sit somewhere? I need to go scan my ticket, and I can get popcorn on the way?”

Renjun fishes the note out of his coat pocket. “It doesn’t even say where I’m supposed to be waiting, or what I need to be looking out for. This guy sucks.”

“They said they’ll come find you, didn’t they?” Jaemin reminds him. He nudges Renjun forward towards the theatres. “We still have twenty minutes. Go sit in front of the hall it’s playing in and I’ll come find you.”

With that, Renjun is left to fend for himself as Jaemin heads in the direction of the snack counter. He sighs and check his ticket again for the hall number, _Hall 5_ , and follows the arrows leading to it.

The movie his admirer picked was one Renjun had been contemplating watching for a while now. _Magic_ , it was called, about a nerdy loner boy who one day accidentally made contact with outer space and ended up getting abducted by aliens, then gets dropped back on Earth a couple years later, taller and sexier, and the female lead falls in love with him.

It was _definitely_ cliché, and way out of Renjun’s image. Which was why he had been debating on whether to actually go see it or not since he hates watching movies alone, but couldn’t dare ask his friends or else a lifetime of teasing would follow.

But, he also likes to allow himself a little cliché once in a while. So at least his admirer gave him that, in more ways than he could’ve imagined.

Weaving through the crowd of movie go-ers lined up before their respective theatres, Renjun finds an empty ottoman opposite Hall 5 and goes to take a seat. Then he looks around expectantly as if his secret admirer would materialize out of thin air at any given moment and rush towards him with open arms.

Ten minutes to 9pm – twenty until the movie starts – Jaemin returns hugging a giant bucket of popcorn and an equally giant cup of soda, two straws clenched in his fist.

“I’m back!” He says in sing-song, sliding into the free space beside Renjun. “I got us the biggest size there was!”

Renjun smiles, immediately reaching for a handful of popcorn. “You shouldn’t even be doing this. What if my date comes and buys popcorn too? You should’ve just gotten it for yourself.”

“Well, he’s not here yet.” Jaemin unwraps the straws and pierces both through the lid of the drink, crossing them over each other so one points to Renjun.

Reminding him of the time, Renjun checks the clock again. The closer it gets to 9pm, the funnier his tummy starts to feel. Like instead of butterflies he’s got hornets buzzing ragingly inside him.

Jaemin places a hand a reassuring hand on his knee. “Hey, you okay?”

“No,” Renjun grumbles, “I feel sick.” Despite himself, he reaches for another handful of popcorn and shoves it into his mouth.

Admitting his anxiety only makes him feel worse. Suddenly his mind is racing again. What is he even supposed to _say_ to his secret admirer? What if everything is super awkward and neither of them turn out to be what the other expected and they both leave disappointed? What if he turns out to be great? Is Renjun ready to _like_ someone?

Then when Jaemin gives his thigh a squeeze, another thought pops up.

Renjun whips around with a small gasp, nearly choking on popcorn. “Where are you gonna go?!”

Jaemin blinks. “Huh?”

“When they get here, they’re obviously not gonna be expecting you. Where are you gonna sit?!”

Jaemin blankly stares at him for a few seconds longer as if the thought had never crossed his mind. Then realization dawns on him and he breaks into laughter. He gently pats Renjun on the head.

“Injun-ah, I won’t be too far, don’t worry.”

Renjun wants to shove Jaemin, but with the overflowing popcorn in the way, decides to smack his arm really hard instead.

“Ow!” Jaemin yelps, rubbing his arm, pouting deeply and pitifully.

“That’s what you get for laughing at my genuine concern for you.” Renjun snaps, but is quick to feel guilty and rubs Jaemin’s arm.

The ease is short-lived when Renjun looks up at the clock again to see its struck 9pm. A tidal wave of emotions come crashing down at once, and Renjun is _shaking_. Barely able to keep himself seated; from running out the door and never turning back. His fists curl so tight on his thighs he’s sure that any harder and he’ll draw blood.

Jaemin watches him with worry, placing a hand over Renjun’s and bending down to meet his eyes. Beneath the concern, there’s a flash of something else that Renjun can’t discern. But amidst his own rampant thoughts, he doesn’t ask.

Biting his lip, Jaemin just keeps squeezing Renjun’s hand, warm and supportive.

They sit just like that until its ten minutes past and time for the movie to start. The crowd around them has already moved into their respective theatres, leaving just the two of them alone, waiting.

“Do you want to go inside?” Jaemin asks softly, tipping his head towards the closed theatre where they can hear the pre-movie ads continue to play.

Renjun looks around again, finding no one who could remotely be his secret admirer making their way towards him. His heart quickens, the feeling of shame and utter stupidity quickly overtaking him.

“Lets…” He swallows, “let’s wait just a little longer.”

When he looks at Jaemin, he finds the latter wearing a frown and the same undistinguishable look in his eyes. Renjun laughs weakly and grabs the bucket of popcorn from his hands.

“He might be running late!” Renjun says, more to himself than to Jaemin, then begins to shove fistfuls of popcorn into his mouth. Jaemin kindly and silently holds out the drink for him to sip on lest he choke.

By half past, no one arrives and from the sound of it, the movie’s already begun. Renjun looks down at the empty bucket sitting limp in his lap and sighs heavily.

“Renjun…” Jaemin starts but Renjun jumps to his feet, cutting him off.

“Come on, let’s go in now.”

“Ren –“

“He’s not coming, Jaemin.” Renjun says, giving an easy smile as he forces down the lump in his throat. “I got stood up. No one’s half an hour late on the first date – or whatever the hell this is! I knew this would happen anyway, so no point wallowing. We can still make this our night?”

He looks up into Jaemin’s eyes staring back at him and tries to give a more convincing smile. Truthfully, deep down, Renjun is more disappointed in himself than he is hurt. This is no one’s fault but his own for letting himself be fooled like this.

With another heavy sigh, he reaches out to tug on Jaemin’s fingers. “Let’s go in?”

Jaemin links their hands together, slowly saying, with a small smirk as his eyes drop down to the empty bucket of popcorn, “Do you… want more?”

Renjun tuts in annoyance, swatting Jaemin once before dragging him inside.

Unsurprisingly, the theatre is almost empty, so they find a seat towards the back where they can chat freely in case the movie gets too slow. The movie is cheesy as hell, and so utterly predictable Renjun cringes through the entire thing – and enjoys every second of it. Jaemin keeps whispering stupid commentary into his ear and Renjun has to hold his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Then at the end, the nerd-turned-hero kisses the girl of his dreams, and Renjun is painfully reminded of how his night could’ve gone.

As the scene fades and the credits begin to roll, Renjun turns to find Jaemin’s eyes fixed on him. For a moment, everything is still, and Jaemin is so close Renjun can feel his breath on his lips.

Jaemin’s eyes flicker. Renjun holds his breath.

“We should go.” Jaemin says, breaking the silence, looking away, “I promised your mum I wouldn’t keep you out late.”

Renjun releases his breath, rapidly blinking as he comes back to reality. “Right, right. Let’s go.”

On the way back home, Jaemin stops at a drive-thru and picks up a bucketful of nuggets since Renjun hadn’t eaten anything out of nervousness – aside from the popcorn he gorged on. They eat in the car, parked outside Renjun’s house, talking about the movie and school and every other possible filler.

Until –

“I’m sorry about tonight, Renjun-ah.”

Renjun snorts, trying to mask the bitterness rising in his throat. “Why are you sorry?”

Jaemin looks at him in complete silence for what feels like forever. Under the gaze of his dark eyes, Renjun feels bare.

“I just…” Jaemin trails off, making a noise of disappointment, at what Renjun isn’t sure. “I just think you deserve one, better from me than no one, after tonight.”

Renjun laughs, still a little bitter, but much lighter than he felt before. Thanks to Jaemin.

“Don’t be. I was kind of expecting it.” He sighs loudly and leans back against seat, staring out the window, into the darkness of the night. A wistful smile on his lips. “It would’ve been nice I guess, but there were way too many cons than pros.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Jaemin starts to snicker. “He could’ve been ugly.”

Renjun faces him, grinning as he agrees. “Yeah, he could’ve been.”

He soon bids Jaemin goodnight with a tight hug and thank you, then stands at the front door to watch as Jaemin drives away. Later, when he curls up in bed, he lets out a shaky sigh, and with it goes the last thoughts of what could’ve been with secret admirer.

-

“What a fucking coward!” Donghyuck snaps angrily when Renjun fills him in on Monday. It’s their free period right before morning break, and they’re on their way to Renjun’s locker so he can exchange his books before they head up to the library to study.

“Yeah,” Is all Renjun can say back. He was already tired of this whole ordeal, but after Friday night, and then spending Saturday morning tossing out all the notes he’d neatly filed away in his drawer, Renjun is exhausted. He spent an embarrassing amount of his emotional energy on this, much to his own dismay.

Donghyuck only fires up more at Renjun’s despondency.

“I’m not even kidding, when I get my hands on this guy –” He makes a cutting action on his neck. “Done.”

Renjun snorts, shaking his head. While he appreciates Donghyuck’s support, vengeance is the last thing on his mind. His secret admirer truly might’ve had a good reason for not showing up.

Whatever it was, though, Renjun no longer cares.

Arriving at his locker, Renjun keys in the combination and gasps when he gets his words handed right back to him.

“What the hell?!” He quips, making Donghyuck poke his head in to take a look.

What lays inside is a cake. A small but gorgeous, pink and white cake with strawberry roses and a jam-drip design. It’s inside a clear plastic case with a red bow around it, and trapped under it is the familiar pink envelope, peeking out.

“No way!” Donghyuck says, pulling out the note. “Read it quick!”

Still in a daze, Renjun fumbles to take out the note. He numbly flips it open, eyes flicking between it and the cake in front. It reads:

_~_

_This love of mine continues to grow,_

_But in this heart of mine, bravery, forgoes_

_So although on Friday I did not show,_

_I hope you can forgive me, with this strawberry gateau_

_\- Your Secret Admirer_

_~_

Donghyuck tips his head back and howls, completely disregarding the people around them and Renjun’s utter mortification.

He stares, wide eyed, face burning red, trying to rationalize the note, the _fucking cake_ , and everything he’d been convincing himself the past sixty hours about secret admirers and how much they suck.

“This dude is crazy,” Donghyuck says incredulously, “he’s actually insane. Who the hell gives their crush _a whole cake!”_

“I like cake!” Renjun blurts defensively before he can check himself. Realising himself, he blushes even harder, sweeping his eyes back to the note.

“This is disgusting… this is…” Donghyuck, who is stumbling back in dramatic disbelief, smacks his forehead. “Wow. I can’t believe you.”

“Leave me alone!” Renjun cries, hugging the note to his chest. He’s going against possibly every single one of his principles as a pragmatist, but _God_ , if his heart isn’t soaring right now.

The note is an excuse, sure, but Renjun can’t help feel relieved to know that it wasn’t all just a prank, and that he wasn’t stood up for no reason. In fact, not being brave enough to confront Renjun actually makes them feel more real. Less heartless and a little more tangible.

Plus, they got Renjun a cake for God’s sake. Any who apologises with artisanal desserts is totally worthy forgiving.

It’s still frustrating though that he’s back to square one.

They wind up at the library a few minutes later, keeping the cake in his locker so he can share it later with the rest of his friends – and because walking around with a cake is weird. Donghyuck won’t let him hear the end of it, going on and on about how Renjun is being too lenient and that this guy is still a coward.

All true, Renjun thinks, but he just can’t will himself to give up. Besides, even if he does want to put a stop to it, how is he supposed to write back to his admirer?

“Might as well enjoy what I get, you know?” Renjun finishes his explanation with a smile and a brow wiggle.

Donghyuck gapes at him. “Okay, but if this all turns out to be a setup, don’t expect me to not say I told you so. Also, he could still be a stalker. A cowardly, wimpy, stalker.”

“Sure.” Renjun waves him off and goes back to his biology notes.

They’re sitting in one of the study booths towards the back of the library. It’s relatively peaceful, other than when Donghyuck giggles at his phone every few minutes, so Renjun guises himself deep in study to think. _Fantasize_ , actually, but he’s not allowing himself to call it that.

_This love of mine continues to grow,_

_But in this heart of mine, bravery, forgoes…_

Blood rushes to his cheeks as he clamps down a smile. Despite the poems getting progressively cheesier, they easily worm into his heart, and Renjun wonders if the writer is purposely making them sound so greasy because they clearly know he has a weak spot for it.

That brings him to the thought of the mystery person writing them diligently, just for him, and how disappointed they also must’ve felt about Friday to go to such lengths. And still, they persist. Renjun wonders if he deserves it.

He makes a mental note to fish out the previous notes from his wastebin when Donghyuck groans. He looks up to find Donghyuck’s face scrunched in his direction.

“You’re thinking about him.”

“Stoop!” Renjun wails, covering his face with his hands.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Me neither…” Renjun admits. “I think I’m losing it.”

Donghyuck reaches across the table to wordlessly snatch Renjun’s pen and notebook away from him. Then he flips open to a blank page and starts to write in big letters: _Secret Admirer Candidates._

“What do we know so far?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun sighs, leaning on his palms. “That they know my timetable, my locker combination, the fact that I like cheesy movies –“

“– good God –”

“– and, that I like strawberry flavoured desserts?”

Donghyuck notes it all down then taps his chin with the butt of the pen. “Isn’t your locker code just your birthday?”

“Do _you_ know my birthday?” Renjun raises a brow at him.

Donghyuck snorts. “No. It’s always Jaemin reminding us. Or Jeno. Jaemin or Jeno.” His eyes slowly grow wider. “You think it could be one of them?”

Renjun gasps so hard he chokes on his own spit, spluttering and coughing everywhere.

“No way,” he winces out, “there’s absolutely no way.”

“You’re right,” Donghyuck deflates, “Jeno doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, and Jaemin has no sense of subtlety whatsoever. Plus, he hates strawberry cake. He can’t even go near one cuz of the smell or whatever. Remember at your last birthday when we had strawberry cake?”

“Or,” Renjun points out the obvious, “they don’t like me like that? We’ve been friends for so long, there’s no way it’s them.”

“Okaaay,” Donghyuck writes down Jeno and Jaemin’s names then crosses them out straight away, officially ruling them out. Then he notes down Yangyang too, just to do the same thing. “And you’re sure it’s not Jisung?”

Renjun shakes his head. “Yes. I haven’t even been tutoring him recently.”

Donghyuck grumbles, frown deepening as he stares at the rather pathetic looking list of candidates. It’s not like Renjun’s exactly a social butterfly either, so ruling out his closest circle broadens the prospect to the entire student body. Really, if it’s not one of his friends, then it could just as well be anyone and Renjun simply has no idea of their existence.

“Leave it to me.” Donghyuck says with finality, closing the notebook and slipping it into his school bag.

“What?” Renjun sputters, then realizes Donghyuck’s taking his bio book which he very much still needs. “Hey, give me my book back.”

“Later.” Donghyuck waves him off. “Once I’m done investigating. If it’s not one of us, then I guarantee one of us knows _who_ , at least.”

Renjun’s still trying to get his book back. “Just leave it. Maybe it’s better if I don’t find out like this.”

“Then I just won’t tell you.” Donghyuck says, and after checking the clock, stands up to leave for break.

Regretting ever telling Donghyuck anything, Renjun shoves his belongings into his bag and chases after him.

-

To say Renjun wasn’t eagerly waiting for the next letter would be a complete lie.

For the rest of the week and the next, every moment before opening his locker, he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly to prepare himself, only to be disappointed. As each day drags by without any sign from his secret admirer, Renjun starts to wonder if they’ve given up. If they had a long hard think about it and decided they didn’t really like Renjun like that at all.

When he voices his concerns to Donghyuck, and somehow Yangyang who’s all caught up, over another study period in the library, they are both surprisingly sympathetic. Renjun must look _truly_ depressed.

“He’s an asshole.” Donghyuck says finally after minutes of silence and Renjun moping over his untouched books. It’s only the hundredth time Donghyuck’s said it this week, but for the first time, Renjun wants to agree.

“If they want to end it, why couldn’t they just tell me? Leave me a note saying _hey sorry I realised you’re kind of boring so I don’t like you anymore_ , just so I could accept it and move on!”

Yangyang clicks his tongue disapprovingly, glancing up from his phone with furrowed brows. “Renjun. Don’t say that.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck chimes in agreement, also ticked off at Renjun’s self-slander. “You’re not boring.”

Renjun slumps harder until he’s practically one with the table. It really isn’t like him to be so insecure. He may not be the most eye-catching guy out there, but he’s always been confident in his looks and personality to be likable, at least.

This secret admirer was starting to affect him more than he would’ve liked, chipping away at his resolve and pride. He supposes it’s effect of going loveless his entire life.

“Maybe it’s better this way.” Renjun says, cheek pressed against the cool table, arms spread out across the surface like a starfish. “It’s scarier to think it could be someone that I don’t know at all but will be guilted into liking, or worse if it’s someone who doesn’t actually match me at all.”

Yangyang hums doubtfully. “From the way this person sent you all the gifts you like, and writes cheesy poems for you, I think it’s safe to say they’re willing to do whatever it is for you even if they don’t like those things themselves.”

Renjun slowly raise his head and gives him a long, stunned look. “That is… surprisingly perceptive of you.”

Yangyang shrugs his shoulders and smiles, satisfied. “Thank you.”

Donghyuck stares at the side of Renjun’s face for an awfully long time, eyes screwed. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then decides against it. He withdraws to himself, humming.

“Yangyang and I are still on the hunt to find out.” He says instead.

Renjun sighs miserably. He doesn’t know how he feels about Donghyuck sleuthing anymore. The week of silence has made him curious too, but he doesn’t know what he feels about Yangyang joining in. It’s most probably dread.

“You probably scared him off.” Renjun concludes with a dry laugh. “Ever since you decided to seek them out, I stopped getting the letters.”

Donghyuck scoffs, “what a coward indeed. Watch the letters start going to your house now or something, since I’m scoping out the lockers here.”

And somewhat scarily, Donghyuck couldn’t be more correct, because the next letter arrives on Saturday morning.

“Renjun! There’s someone for you at the door!”

Frowning, Renjun rolls off the bed and rushes downstairs. He stops at the second step, stomach flipping when he sees his mother standing with her hands crossed, brows arched at him reprovingly. Behind her, at the doorstep, is a freakishly large pink-and-purple pinstriped box on two legs.

The postman peeks his head out from behind it. “I – uhh – just need someone to sign…”

Renjun snaps out of daze and awkwardly goes to sign the form. Then he relieves the poor man, taking the giant box into his arms. Surprisingly, it’s nowhere near as heavy as it looks.

“What did you order?” His mother asks, standing over him as he sets the box down in the middle of the foyer. “Why is it so big?!”

“Uhhh…” Renjun supplies eloquently. Having finally untied the stupid bow, he flips open the lid to find a thick layer of crumpled pink tissue paper. He tears through it in record speed to find a pair of pristine, white roller-skates, and of course, a pink envelope on top.

Never in his life has he been so happy to see a piece of pink paper.

_~_

_The one who takes my breath away,_

_The one who sets my heart alight,_

_Won’t you come dance with me,_

_Under the glittering disco lights?_

_\- Your Secret Admirer_

_~_

A stupid grin spreading across his lips, Renjun hugs the note to his chest and beams down at the skates. Under them is a flyer for a disco happening at the Roller-Rink that very night at 8 o’clock. He’s being invited out again, and despite what happened last time, Renjun’s heart is already leaping at the chance.

“Renjun, what is all this?” His mother asks, a little sterner, reminding him that he’s very much being judged right now by his own mother.

“Umm,” Renjun starts, slowly setting the shoes and note back inside the box, away from her wary eyes. “I have a date?”

She considers him briefly with an unconvinced glare. “Hmm. Is this how they do it nowadays?”

Renjun gives her a tight-lipped smile. “Uh-huh!” He nods and quickly closes the box to take it up to his room.

Flying up the stairs and shutting the door behind him, Renjun puts the box down to take out the skates again. In the privacy of his room, Renjun squeals into his hands and tries on the skates right away.

It takes some effort to break into them, but when they’re on they fit perfectly. His admirer either knows him too well or is a really good guesser. But, logic aside, Renjun looks at the flyer and note again.

_What if he gets stood up again?_

Frowning at the flyer, he absently reaches for his phone and pulls up his contact list.

“You have reached the voicemail of: _Nana –“_

He cuts the call and tries Jaemin again. He really doesn’t want to be a bother, but his options are limited. There’s no way he’d ever ask Donghyuck and Yangyang to come with him, since they’d only embarrass him to the Gods, and between Jeno and Jaemin, the latter was there last time. He at least will understand Renjun’s feelings.

The call goes through to voicemail again. Renjun whines, and then dials up Jeno.

“Hello?”

“I need you to come with me to the Roller Disco tonight.” Renjun blurts out without bothering with a greeting.

“Uhh… what?”

“My secret admirer!” Renjun says, tone rising in agitation. “My secret admirer wants to meet at the Disco and I wanna go even though last time was a fail and I would ask Jaemin but he’s not picking up so now you’re my only hope Jeno please –“

“Hey, hey!” Jeno chuckles, “slow down. Uhh, okay, sure, send the me the details. You probably couldn’t reach Jaemin because he has a family thing today.”

Renjun frowns. That’s odd. Jaemin never mentioned anything to him.

Shrugging the thought off, Renjun forwards a picture of the flyer to Jeno.

“Sweet.” Jeno says, a smile in his voice. “I’ll be over at seven?”

“Perfect.”

Jeno shows up a few minutes past seven. He greets Renjun with a smile when he opens the door. Renjun greets him back with a wail.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this again.” Renjun says. He leads Jeno up to his room to show him the skates and the note.

Jeno laughs in disbelief. “I don’t know if this guy freaks me out or has my respect.”

Renjun just wails again.

After Renjun’s done panicking over his outfit (Jeno advises him to dress light, since he’ll be skating), and then over his hair, and then over his outfit again, they finally leave for the Roller Rink.

With their suburb being as small as it is, the central shopping and entertainment district is never far from their homes. The rink is located a few blocks away from the cinemas, so they arrive quickly and with enough time to visit the mart across the street where Renjun grabs a soda to calm his nerves. They then sit outside the store – Renjun chewing away at his straw, and Jeno worriedly watching him.

“Hey, Ren,” Jeno says so softly as if the slightest sound could break Renjun right now. He removes the soda and the poor, desecrated straw, away from him. “You sure you wanna do this?”

Renjun gives him a queasy look but nods nonetheless. “I’m just really nervous.”

Jeno hums. “I can see that.”

“I don’t want to get stood up again.” Renjun mutters, mind rolling over the events of the previous occasion. His tummy turns the same, uncomfortable way. “Even if… even if it’s because they’re not brave enough, which I understand…”

“You need to look out for yourself first.” Jeno finishes for him. “It’s not something to feel guilty for, Ren. You come first. It’s not your fault for not wanting to be dragged around like this any longer. If they really like you,” he shrugs, “they’ll eventually come out and say it.”

Renjun looks up at him with a queasy smile, feeling a little ridiculous. He forgets just how awfully sensible Jeno can be. If only he had such conviction too.

“You’re right. You’re right!” Renjun stands up and huffs, clapping his hands. “Let’s go.”

“What? Already?!” Jeno scrambles to his feet, picking up after their rubbish and running after Renjun who is already halfway across the empty street.

The roller rink is not as busy as Renjun expected considering the event. But frankly, it wasn’t the most popular avenue for most people to visit nowadays anyway, so he isn’t too surprised. It at least calms him a little to know that he won’t be making a spectacle of himself, whether he’s stood up or not.

The _Disco_ theme of the night ties in with the overall retro atmosphere of the place, fit with fluorescent balloons and a glittering Disco ball overhead that showers them with colourful fractals of light.

They find seats near the reception to change into their skates, where Jeno bend down to help Renjun into his new pair.

“You’re like Cinderella,” Jeno comments, grinning up at Renjun when they manage to get one foot in, “and I’m your fairy godmother.”

Renjun groans in protest. “Well this Cinderella is ready to leave before the dance has even begun.”

Jeno suggests they skate out onto the rink to loosen Renjun’s nerves a little before the _Disco_ officially begins. Neither are practised enough though, so they end up flailing around and grabbing each other’s shirts as they wobble their way around. Jeno eventually grabs Renjun by the arm and yanks him over to the rails, where they laugh and decide it’s probably safer for everyone if they just don’t move.

“God, I hope my secret admirer is better at this because I’m horrible.” Renjun says with a laugh to calm himself down.

“He probably knows you suck and is using this as an excuse to get his hands on you.” Jeno says suggestively, nearly falling back when Renjun lunges to hit him.

At exactly 8pm, all the lights except for the Disco ball turn off and the slow jam playing before switches to a louder, funkier beat. There are more people in the rink now. Renjun cranes his head over the crowd to squint at the entrance.

“You think he’s already here?” Jeno asks.

Renjun doesn’t answer. His heartbeat grows louder and louder in his ear.

_They’ll come, right? They’ll definitely find him, right?_

The song changes for a second time, and Renjun can hear Jeno mutter something about how it’s only right for the admirer to be here already. He closes his eyes, and braces for disappointment.

“Jeno?!”

Renjun whips around at the familiar voice. It’s Jaemin, slowly approaching them looking shocked out of his wits.

“Jeno what – what are you doing here?!” Jaemin eyes him suspiciously, not even looking at Renjun yet.

“I should be asking you the same?!” Jeno retorts, then suddenly, he freezes, mouth falling agape. He stares at Jaemin, then blinks really fast, shaking his head and sliding back.

“He’s here for moral support,” Renjun interjects after giving them both confused looks. “I got asked here by my secret admirer, again. I tried calling you…”

Jaemin cards his fingers through his hair and clears his throat. “Right… right, again huh… I can’t believe you came, after the last time…”

Renjun bites his lip and casts his eyes to the floor. “Yeah… I don’t think he’s here again.”

Jeno coughs really loudly from beside him and Jaemin slides over to push him out of the way. Jeno recovers swiftly and skates over to Renjun’s side, scrunching his face at Jaemin while the latter chews on his lip and looks _anywhere_ else.

Renjun looks between them. “Jeno, what’s wrong?”

Jeno contemplates for a moment, still staring at Jaemin who is still refusing to meet his eyes. Renjun starts to become frustrated by their weird stand-off, but then Jeno speaks up.

“Nothing. I’m just wondering why Jaemin would lie to me.”

“Oh, right!” Renjun turns back to Jaemin, matching Jeno’s inquisitive look. “Why didn’t you pick up when I called? Jeno said you had a family thing.”

“A family-friend owns this place.” Jaemin responds coolly, staring off somewhere to the side of rink. “I’m here to help out with tonight.”

Even for Renjun, his answer is too neat, and there’s a slight agitation to his voice that’s both questionable and worrying. But other than that, it checks out – Jaemin’s spent a lot of time here as a child, and is easily the best skater out of all of them. Also, his family friend _does_ own the place. That much Renjun knows.

And although Jeno scoffs, unconvinced, Renjun dismisses it easily. He’s got a bigger problem at hand.

“I think I’m gonna go home.” Renjun says with a dejected sigh. “He’s not coming, again. I’m done.”

“What – no – Renjun!” Jaemin says all too quick, taking Renjun’s hands and pulling him closer. He bends down to press their heads together. “Renjun, I’m sorry again that things –“ he shoots a look at Jeno, “ – didn’t go as planned. But we can still enjoy the night?”

Renjun kicks his feet, which is a terrible mistake in skates because he nearly flips over onto his head – but Jaemin catches him quickly.

“I feel really, really terrible.” Renjun says to Jaemin, who smiles and coos at his pout.

“Bet I can make you feel better?”

Renjun scoffs lightly and looks back over his shoulder at Jeno, who holds his hands up defensively. “I’m leaving. I don’t wanna dance anyway so you two have fun.”

He looks at Jaemin when he speaks, a smile tugging on his lips. Jaemin on the other hand almost looks embarrassed, which is something Renjun’s never seen on him.

“Wait, Jeno, you should stay too! I feel bad for dragging you out for nothing.” Renjun says.

Jeno snorts. “Trust me, Renjun, it wasn’t for nothing.” When Renjun peers at him, he adds quickly, “I was here for you because you’re my friend! And now Jaemin’s here so – so all is well.”

With that Jeno skates away and out of the rink faster than Renjun’s ever seen him skate before. He turns back to Jaemin, who waits until Jeno’s out of sight to breathe, finally relaxing.

Before Renjun can question what was going on between them, Jaemin puts a hand on his waist and leans down to whisper, “Come, let’s dance now.”

“Jaemin – what –“

Jaemin pushes off the rail, pulling Renjun along with him to the centre, never losing his grip on Renjun’s waist. The song changes again, and Jaemin grins impossibly wide before grabbing Renjun’s hands.

_You’re the first –_

They start slow until Renjun gains his balance, with Jaemin holding his hands tight, eyes fixed on him. He gently pushes Renjun along with him, around the rink, weaving through the other skaters randomly and without care.

_The last –_

Jaemin twirls him around, singing lowly to the song while Renjun squeals delightedly. Facing Jaemin again, with newfound vigour, Renjun pulls himself close and sings along too.

_My everything._

And it’s amazing how radiant Jaemin looks right then, under the glittering disco lights, beaming at Renjun like he’s the centre of his world. Renjun feels his heart double in size, and he lets out a laugh as he expels the last of his worries of the night. _To hell with secret admirers,_ he thinks, _Jaemin is all he needs._

_And the answer to all my dreams._

Jaemin grabs hold of Renjun’s waist again and spins him around the rink. Renjun slips his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders and relaxes his weight against him, laughing uncontrollably as Jaemin effortlessly glides around the rink, lowering his voice to match the singer’s as he comically sings along in Renjun’s ear.

_Just you and me._

_You are the first, the last, my everything._

The night ends when Renjun’s so dizzy he has to fling himself away from Jaemin in fear of throwing up all over him. He doesn’t – thankfully – but Jaemin decides then that it’s time to stop.

So, they leave the rink. Jaemin sits Renjun down on an empty seat and buys him a bottle of water.

“Thank you.” Renjun groans out. Jaemin acknowledges it with a smile before bending down on one knee to help Renjun out of his skates.

“The ball has ended, and so Cinderella’s shoes must –“ he pulls them off easily and hides them behind his back, “disappear.”

“That’s what Jeno said…” Renjun giggles, slowly sobering up to the reality of the night. Again, his secret admirer failed to show.

Jaemin places a hand on his knee and looks at him apologetically. “I’m sorry again. I… I really am.”

“Stop being sorry.” Renjun snaps, soothing his words with a short laugh. He curls into himself, suddenly feeling cold and small. “It’s fine. This is… great actually. I now know that I should just quit it. I’m done with this whole secret admirer business. I will no longer be caring about anything they send or have to say. If they really like me, they can come and tell me.”

Jaemin studies him sombrely. He’s chewing on his cheeks, Renjun can tell by the way they’ve hollowed. It’s a habit Jaemin only does when he’s nervous.

“Jaemin?”

“You’re right.”

Renjun cocks his head. “About?”

Jaemin stands up, takes off his jacket and places it over Renjun’s shoulders. Then he sits beside him and leans against his shoulder, sighing. They stare out at the rink as the crowd of dancer’s slowly dwindle. The lights sparkle. The music begins to fade.

“You’re right about the admirer. He’s a coward, and he should stop playing you if he doesn’t have the guts to face you. I’m sorry you keep being disappointed.”

Renjun snorts in an effort to stop himself from crying. He feels like crying _a lot_ and it’s stupid. He will not allow himself to cry, he tells himself over and over again. And yet, ends up sniffing.

“Renjun? Renjun oh my God –“

Renjun shakes his head and hands frantically as Jaemin panics over him. He laughs as Jaemin coos at him comically, trying to hug him. As his arms come around Renjun, the sadness ebbs, replaced with warmth and gratitude. Renjun leans against Jaemin’s chest, thinking once again, secret admirers be damned, he only wants this, forever, with Jaemin.

He still sniffs a little more, when they step outside and the cold bites his nose. Despite repeatedly telling himself he wouldn’t care – that he doesn’t care about secret admirers and that he doesn’t care about romance and that he doesn’t believe in love, he can’t help but feel sour over a love he’s never known.

But Jaemin is here beside him, zipping him up and nagging at him for not layering enough, and Renjun feels alright. Almost alright.

When Jaemin drops him home later that night, he walks Renjun to the front door to give him one last hug. Renjun wraps his arms around Jaemin as tight as he can and thanks him for the night.

“I’m sorry again, Renjun.”

“Please stop.” Renjun pulls away to look at him sternly, “I already feel bad for dragging you into this again.”

Jaemin looks pained, but says no more. His head bowed.

“Thank you though, for everything. I love you, Jaemin.”

Without waiting too long for an answer, Renjun steps inside with a quick wave and closes the door.

-

“Jeno knows something.” Donghyuck whispers into his ear, body bent over his desk as he leans towards Renjun.

Renjun keeps his eyes on the board and without looking back, and as if doesn’t know, asks, “About?”

“Don’t be coy with me. About your secret admirer! He knows.”

Renjun has to bite his lip hard to stop himself from asking who.

It’s been weeks since the night at the roller rink, weeks since he’s heard from his so-called admirer. At first when Renjun told himself it was over, he didn’t expect it to really be over just like that. But it seemed that somehow his secret admirer got the message and stopped pursuing him completely – whether out of embarrassment or respect for Renjun’s wishes, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care.

Truthfully, he was a little lost at first. He’d grown attached to the secret admirer, or the idea of them, more so than he’d liked to admit. So the first couple of days of willing himself to get over it were harder than expected. But Renjun persevered, busying himself with band practice or hanging out with Jaemin as much as possible, since he was the only one who understood Renjun’s feelings.

Still, there’s a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he thinks of his secret admirer, but for the most part, Renjun had gotten over it. He simply cannot make a fool of himself any more than he already has.

“You don’t wanna know what he knows?” Donghyuck whispers again once the teacher has turned her back.

“Do _you_ know what he knows?” Renjun throws back at him coldly. He hears Donghyuck’s chair scrape against the floor.

“No. But I can find out for you?”

Finally, Renjun whips his head around to give one Donghyuck a cursory glance. Then, turning back around, he simply tells him, “Don’t.”

With the finality in his tone, Donghyuck doesn’t push further and slinks back to his seat.

-

The end of a school term brings an onslaught of problems that are both good and bad. Good because they push out any and all remaining traces of Renjun’s whole secret admirer shenanigan. Bad because of exams, the band performance for the end of term assembly, and all the stress that comes with it.

Oh. And Jaemin’s acting weird.

Actually, all of his friends are acting fishy, and Renjun has no idea why because no one will tell him why. It started a few days after Donghyuck told him about Jeno knowing something in class. Donghyuck and Yangyang drew distant, their conversations with Renjun becoming clipped and tense. And although they were nowhere near as obvious as Jeno was being, it was pretty evident they were keeping something from him.

Yet the worst is Jaemin, who doesn’t speak more than 3 words to Renjun at a time, and makes an obvious effort to avoid him whenever he can. They’ve stopped hanging out on weekends – which might be a good thing because Renjun has to study – and stopped walking home together after school with Jaemin excusing himself with track practice. It’s clearly a lie, because Renjun _knows_ when Jaemin lies. What he doesn’t know is what hurts him more – that Jaemin is blatantly and terribly lying to his face, or that he’s willing to go that far just to avoid Renjun.

The thing is, though, that Renjun can’t confront him either _because_ they’re such good friends. Unlike Jeno, Donghyuck, and Yangyang, Jaemin has always worn his emotions on his face and is clear about his boundaries. Renjun respects that enough to not pry, no matter how much it eats away at him. While it’s not like Jaemin to hide things from him, it’s also possible that he’ll come around eventually. All Renjun has to do is be patient.

But because Renjun’s logical brain struggles to make peace with his impulsive, emotional brain, he starts to avoid his friends completely and hangs out with Chenle, from the band. If they won’t tell him, and Renjun get’s annoyed, then the only other option he has is to remove himself until either he or they can come around. Yes. That’s the only way.

Chenle is pretty cool anyway. He’s a little spritely and cheeky, and likes to poke fun at Renjun whenever he can, but he’s also cute in a squishy way so Renjun supposes it all balances out.

It’s lunch time and they’re walking to the club room for extra practice since the assembly was approaching. It’s tradition for the band to perform in front of the school every term. Renjun finds himself almost – _almost –_ wondering if his secret admirer will be watching him.

Lost between his thoughts and listening to Chenle yammer on, he doesn’t expect to see Jaemin inside the club room, talking to their leader Hyunjin.

“Jaemin?” Renjun asks, stepping into the room, “what’re you doing here?”

Jaemin looks at him with all the fright of a baby deer. “I was… looking for you?”

Renjun frowns. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin says, more confidently now. He strides over to Renjun casually after nodding once in Hyunjin’s direction. Renjun watches the exchange curiously before he looks back at Jaemin, closer now. “I missed you, so I was thinking I’d catch you here, for a bit.”

Renjun’s eyes widen, and he starts to smile. “I missed you too.”

Jaemin continues to stare at him, his eyes dark and warm, and the same feeling rises within Renjun – that he’s being held at the centre of the world. There are faint bags beneath Jaemin’s eyes that are worrying, but with his slightly tussled hair and characteristically chapped lips, Jaemin, somehow, looks handsome. Is this the effect of not having seen him in so long?

Renjun ends up surprising both himself and Jaemin when he leans up to hug the latter, wrapping his arms tight around his shoulders. Maybe he underestimated how much he truly missed Jaemin. Maybe, this is Jaemin coming around.

Jaemin hugs him back, arms hesitantly inching around Renjun’s waist before he caves in and hugs him tight.

They almost forget they’re in the middle of the band room until Chenle makes a terrible hacking sound to clear his throat.

“We can walk home together after school?” Renjun asks Jaemin, pulling away, feet back on the ground.

“Sure.” Jaemin says with a smile, then takes his leave.

Hyunjin rolls his eyes at them before he starts handing out the sheet music for their song for the assembly. The Future by The Drums. It has a nice bass and guitar riff, with the addition of tambourines and triangles which Chenle will have to choose between since there is no piano part.

He grumbles, voice getting higher in annoyance. “Who chose this song? No piano? Not even the keyboard?!”

“It was by request.” Hyunjin says.

“We’re allowed to request?” Renjun asks. Even if they are, Hyunjin isn’t the type to take requests and will choose whatever he wants – which, to be fair, are good choices.

“This is an exception, approved by me.” Hyunjin answers.

“And who’s singing?” Their drummer, Heejin, asks from the back.

“Can it be me?” Chenle asks excitedly.

“We’ve got another singer who you’ll have to wait to meet, also approved by me.” Is all Hyunjin offers as an explanation, and they know that’s all their going to get. Chenle pouts, and the rest of the band start to whisper amongst themselves wondering who the mystery singer could be and why.

Renjun is curious too, since it’s always been one of them singing. It’s not like Hyunjin to trust someone to sing who isn’t from the band and isn’t practicing with them. What was going on?

He shakes the thoughts away – he knows better than to question Hyunjin’s judgements. Whoever it is must be really good anyway.

He scans his eyes over the notes and the lyrics hovering over them, smiling as he moves to where he keeps his bass. He loops the belt over his shoulder, and strums to warm up.

-

On the last day of the term, Renjun finds a letter taped to the back of his locker. He blinks at it a couple of times before recognising the familiar pink-ness of the envelope and that nauseating rose scent. He snatches it quickly and opens it, head pounding with irritation and, dare he say, curiosity.

_~_

_‘And if I ruled the world_

_I'd make you be mine’_

_Although I don’t deserve it,_

_Will you hear my heart out_

_For one last time?_

_\- Your Secret Admirer_

_~_

Renjun scowls at the note. He’s not sure what to make of it anymore after the weeks of silence. In fact, he doesn’t _want_ to make anything of it. But his weak heart, for some cursed reason, softens.

One last time. Can he open his heart for one last time?

What’s more curious, however, are the song lyrics at the start of the note. They’re lines from _The Future_ , the song the band is performing today, which he’s pretty sure no one outside the band knows. It’s Hyunjin’s policy to keep it a secret – for surprise or whatever.

He gasps sharply. It’s someone from the band.

His phone buzzes in his back pocket – a text from Donghyuck in the group chat. The intrusion stirs Renjun out of his rampant thoughts and he closes his locker, tucking the note away into his bag. He decides he won’t tell his friends about this, yet, but his suspicions continue to grow. A lump growing in his throat that he never thought he’d have to deal with again.

For this first and last time, Renjun wants to brave whatever will happen, himself.

After his English exam in the morning, the rest of the day is wiped free for last minute band practice. He walks into the studio cautiously, steely eyes darting between each member of the band. Practice goes absentmindedly with Renjun too busy scrutinizing his bandmates and whether they could be his secret admirer.

He rules out Chenle and Hyunjin easily, because the former is just – no – and the latter is taken. The rest of the band, oddly, checks out too, because they are either taken, not gay, or Heejin – who most certainly knows Renjun is not straight. But then who?

Who would know that Renjun’s locker combination is his birthday and his schedule? That he likes cheesy romcoms, cheap chocolate, and strawberry desserts? Who would know where he lives and what song his band is playing for the school assembly if not his friends and his bandmates?!

As Renjun continues to rationalise, it starts to dawn on him that, God, he might actually have a stalker.

Hyunjin snaps his fingers and calls him to attention, scowling at Renjun’s lack of engagement. He mutters something under his breath about how _this better be worth it_ , that has Renjun squinting in his direction. But lest he get scolded by the rest of his bandmates, Renjun sets his thoughts aside. He’s starting to lose himself again, and he won’t allow it!

It happens during the assembly.

The band is setting up on stage as the auditorium starts to fill up with students. Renjun is plugging in his bass to the amp when Chenle taps him on the shoulder. There’s a silly, no-good grin on his face.

“I just bumped into our mystery singer.” He blurts out, practically bursting on the spot.

“What? Who is it?!”

To Renjun’s annoyance, Chenle shakes his head. “You’ll see. I think you’ll like him.”

The words sink in after Chenle’s walked away. Renjun realises, head and heart pounding, that the mystery singer is his secret admirer.

Of course. Of course, after everything they’ve pulled with the movie tickets, the skates, and _the_ _fucking cake,_ they’d be able to worm their way into this performance as well. Whatever leverage they have or whatever they agreed to do for Hyunjin must be worth. This. This last day of the term, this last chance for them, must be worth it.

Just for him.

Renjun nearly smacks himself. He’s doing it again, allowing himself to be swayed when the fact remains that he got played for weeks. If Donghyuck and Yangyang were here and they knew Renjun would get hit for sure.

“Renjun, are you ready?” Hyunjin’s voice cuts in.

Renjun gives him a queasy, unsure look. Hyunjin blinks at him, the most worried Renjun’s ever seen him, and pats him on the shoulder.

“You’ll be fine. I promise – you’ll love it.”

The principal finishes their speech just as Renjun’s about to blurt out that he can’t do this anymore. His heart has dropped to the pit of his stomach. So much for bravery.

Chenle comes up behind him and pushes him onto the stage. His bandmates look to him eagerly, and so do his friends who he makes out in the crowd – _the little shits all knew_.

All except one. Jaemin.

Renjun whips head around to the other side of the stage where Hyunjin and the singer – Jaemin – approaches.

Jaemin.

Renjun feels himself visibly blanche.

_Jaemin._

Jaemin smiles at him nervously as he takes centre stage, licking his lips. He tears his eyes away from Renjun and looks to the crowd, waving awkwardly at where Jeno, Donghyuck, and Yangyang holler at him.

Renjun slowly looks around, his hands clenched, knuckles white, around the neck of his bass. Chenle, from the opposite side of the stage, gives him a big thumbs up.

He looks toward Jaemin again, who has his back turned, head bowed. He’s tapping his feet, another anxious habit, and Renjun is torn between wanting push him off the stage or hold him in his arms.

The teacher gives the signal for the band to start and then there’s no time for Renjun to think anymore. He screws his face angrily at his hands as Hyunjin starts off on the guitar, and follows his lead.

And Jaemin starts to sing.

_Here I go again_

_Getting upset over nothing_

_Getting upset over your heart_

_Over your heart_

_Over your heart_

Renjun knows he looks stupid right now, gaping at Jaemin dramatically. So much for being angry and torn, as he watches Jaemin sing, everything falls into place.

He was blind. Renjun was completely blind. The one person who knows everything about him, the one person willing to do anything for him. The one who was there every time.

Images of the past couple of weeks flash through Renjun’s head. The movies, when Jaemin said he’d come find him, just as promised in the note. The roller rink, the one place that _screams_ Jaemin, who was there, waiting. Jeno’s odd behaviour that night. Jaemin’s apologies. _The damn cake._

The only one who would write the cheesiest, most cringiest poems in the world.

Later, if Donghyuck wants to smack him over the head, Renjun will gladly let him do it.

Later… later…

_And if I ruled the world_

_I would make every country salute you_

_And if I ruled the world_

_I'd make you be mine_

Renjun flinches at the last line, looking up at Jaemin only to find the latter staring back. Blushing furiously, Renjun dips his head quickly and focuses on playing, his cheeks heavy and hot.

He couldn’t tell you when the song ended. All he could hear was the crowd clapping and Chenle whistling really loudly, all he could see, out of the corner of his eyes, was Jaemin, staring at him.

He takes one step. Jaemin takes one step towards him and Renjun’s dropping his bass, running off the stage and out the door.

Jaemin finds him a few minute later, hunched over the nature strip opposite the auditorium and heaving crazily. Renjun can tell it’s him by the sound of his feet, slowly, cautiously, coming up behind him.

“Renjun?”

Renjun jumps to his feet, spinning around angrily – or, as angry as he can possibly be. “You couldn’t just tell me?!”

Jaemin hesitates, swallowing before answering, “I… I didn’t know how…”

“So you just – “ Renjun splutters, throwing his hands around dramatically, “so you just sent me love letters and then _pretended_ like it wasn’t you?! Oh my God – OH MY GOD YOU WERE CLOWNING YOURSELF!”

Jaemin makes a constipated expression, looking sorry for himself. He rubs his nape, having the decency to look shameful. “Ye – yeah…”

“You were writing me cheesy poems, you were sending me all those –“ Renjun cuts himself off, smacking himself in the forehead. “Oh my God, I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot, and you – YOU!”

“ – are an asshole.” Jaemin finishes for him. His lips quiver, and he’s still standing a foot away from Renjun, scuffing his feet on the concrete.

Renjun’s mind is still reeling. Adrenaline rushes through his veins. “I was so upset every time, and you consoled me while it was all… why didn’t you just tell me, Jaemin?”

Jaemin licks his lip, shrugging without looking up. He looks impossibly small, and Renjun’s finding it more and more difficult to stay mad. Frankly, he’s not even entirely mad. Because deep down in his heart of hearts, he really wouldn’t have it be anyone else.

“I know I’m a douche.” Jaemin starts, “I was going to tell you at the movies, but then, I don’t know, I got really scared for how you’d react. And then you started getting all nervous and then I started getting all nervous… I was really going to tell you at the roller rink too but then –“

“Jeno.” Renjun supplied, it all making sense.

“Yeah, I didn’t expect him to be there. It really threw me off. It’s lazy of me but I was kinda hoping you’d figure it out too.”

Renjun’s smiling now, almost laughing. “But I’m an idiot.”

Jaemin looks up at him with those dark, warm eyes, and grins. “No, you’re not.”

By now Renjun’s heart is beating fast for different reasons entirely. The blood zips through his veins at the speed of light, and his fingers are _itching_ to just reach out and –

“I wanted to tell you every time you were sad. I wanted to tell you but then Donghyuck and Yangyang found out from Jeno and they started grilling me and I freaked out –“

Renjun inwardly groans, vowing to get them after this.

“ – I wanted so bad to make you look at me.” Jaemin continues, defeated. “This was a last resort plan I thought of only a couple weeks ago, because I didn’t think I’d need it. But – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m sorry I left you in the dark. I’m sorry I –“

Renjun rushes forward, leaping into Jaemin’s fast but unsuspecting arms, grabbing his face to kiss him sweet on the lips. Their lips smash together clumsily, and Jaemin takes a moment to catch up to what was happening before he realigns their lips, kissing Renjun back properly.

“I wasn’t rejecting you, by the way.” Renjun says, pulling just a hair’s length away. “I might be clueless but – but I wouldn’t reject you.”

Jaemin isn’t breathing, mouth open in shock, lips pink. “No?” Is all he manages to squeak out.

He’s so infuriatingly adorable that Renjun rolls his eyes, throwing his arms over Jaemin’s shoulders and leans in to kiss him, sealing the deal again. And again, and again.

-

To make it up to Renjun for the whole secret admirer ordeal, and for not telling him that he can sing, Jaemin owes Renjun a hundred hours of cheesy movies and two karaoke nights (they settled). It’s the worst, and Jaemin rolls his eyes and gags and yells at the screen every two minutes, and at karaoke Renjun makes him sing until his throat hurts and he starts hacking. Renjun loves every minute of it.

His friends can’t say the same.

“I fucking knew it.” Donghyuck tells them when they’re all over at Renjun’s house. He shakes his head at the couple squished on the arm chair. “Only you could be that cheesy.”

Jeno swats at Donghyuck from the other end of the couch. “No? I knew it before you! You bullied it out of me.”

Donghyuck waves him off. “Same thing.”

“I always knew it was one of us.” Yangyang adds with a shrug. Then, looking between Jeno and Donghyuck, he scowls and changes his mind. “Actually no, none of these two are creative enough so really Jaemin was the only possibility.”

“If by creative you mean those stupid poems,” Donghyuck wretches, “then I’m glad to be exempt. No offence, Jaemin.”

Jaemin edges forward to defend himself. “They weren’t that bad! I was using my brain a lot!”

“Oh dear God.” Jeno rolls his head back.

“I don’t care. As long as Renjun liked them.” Jaemin looks to Renjun expectantly.

Renjun smiles at him sweetly and pats his cheek. “They were pretty bad.”

Donghyuck starts cackling as Jaemin starts to sulk dramatically, huffing and crossing his arms. Renjun laughs and gives him a soothing kiss.

“Hey. Hey hey hey!” Yangyang snaps, holding a chip at them threateningly, “no PDA!”

“Yes,” Donghyuck adds, ready to throw a cushion, “we need to establish some rules. First of all, no snogging in front of us single people.”

Making a show of ignoring Donghyuck, Jaemin looks to Renjun with a suggestive grin, wiggling his eyebrows. “Can you hear that?”

Renjun giggles, side-eyeing a pissed Donghyuck. “Nope.”

“You’re not funny! Stop ignoring me!” Donghyuck shouts, ultimately flinging the cushion at them.

Jaemin catches it swiftly and holds it up in front of their faces, hiding them from their friends.

“That’s hot.” Renjun comments.

Jaemin’s eyes flicker with mischief. “You think so?”

Renjun smiles, closing his eyes as Jaemin finally leans in.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Please let me know what you thought in the comments and please leave kudos because I highly appreciate them!! I wanna apologize for the poetry LOL it was bad I know but it's meant to be so sshh!!
> 
> Come talk to me on twt: [xinqrens](https://twitter.com/xinqrens)  
> Or: [cc](https://curiouscat.me/angelcakkes)


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